Chocolate worship.
Chocloate Worship Is No Sin
The cacao plant�s botanical name, Theobroma cacao, literally means �food of the gods.� To its many devotees, chocolate is exactly that.
In addition, chocolate has many positive properties such as antioxidants (good for the heart) & a substance known as phenylethylamine that creates a mood akin to falling in love.
So it�s no wonder that survival of motherhood's directly related to the faith we invest in chocolate to sustain us through stressful times. While chocolate should never replace the rightful presence of a Greater Being, God, in one�s life, from which all chocolate flows, one must respect the basic commandments regarding chocolate to ensure harmony among all mothers of good will.
1. Thou shalt have no other foods before chocolate. Chocolate & pure chocolate alone will be thy salvation, the darker, the better.
2. Thou shalt not make for thyself an idol. Leave no chocolate bar untouched. Worship no chocolate bar, but instead eat completely, savoring every morsel.
3. Thou shalt not make wrongful use of the name of thy chocolate. Thou shalt not call it candy. Thou shalt not call it junk food. Thou shalt revere it as the supreme creation of cacao as intended.
4. Remember the holidays that celebrate with chocolate & keep them. Honor Valentine�s Day, Easter, Halloween & Christmas with heart-shaped boxes of chocolates, chocolate bunnies, chocolate bars & chocolate Santas & snowmen.
5. Honor thy father & mother. Especially thy mother. Give her chocolate for all occasions especially the holidays in commandment 4.
6. Thou shalt not murder for chocolate, but thou mayest threaten others or take hostages especially during PMS.
7. Thou shalt not commit the sin of eating thy friend�s chocolate. The chocolate does not belong to thee, & thou must not destroy the sacred bond between chocolate owner & chocolate bar.
8. Thou shalt not steal. Thou shalt keep thy hands off chocolate that does not belong to thee.
9. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor. Thou shalt not accuse thy neighbor of stealing thy chocolate when thou hast stayed up all night gorging thyself & hast thus forgotten due to a morning chocolate hangover.
10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor�s house filled with chocolate, & thou shall not covet thy neighbor�s wife�s chocolate. But thou may ask politely for a piece.
Disclaimer: As with everything (munch, mmmph, munch), chocolate is best when eaten in moderation. It should never replace your servings of (munch, mmmph, munch) fruit & veggies, & if you enjoy one chocolate (munch, mmmph, munch) bar per week while decreasing your intake of other high-calorie foods, you may be able to enjoy (munch, mmmph, munch) this treat without gaining weight.
Source: The Californian
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