� #1
Old 03-17-2009, 06:18 AM
Lodestar's Avatar
Senior Student
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Hull, East Yorkshire, England
Posts: 63
Lodestar is on a distinguished road
Default Early Retirement

This gave me a chance to at least laugh off the current economic crisis when I saw this email from my borther. Decided to share it

Dear employees,

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW programme (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).

Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring to the attention of your Supervisor. They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.


The Management
Reply With Quote


Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Hay Fever Starting Early This Year kind2creatures General Discussion 16 05-20-2010 03:20 AM
Early Look at Our Potential Future! EarlyBird Chitchat 1 03-05-2010 08:52 AM
Early Hatchback Iggy Dalrymple Chitchat 0 12-07-2007 07:20 PM
vitamin D level inversely associated with early AMD Iggy Dalrymple Vision 0 07-02-2007 05:10 AM