Meat Lovers Saturday
MEAT LOVERS SATURDAY
GOT MEAT? GOT APPITITE? GOT FRIENDS?
SO YOU THINK YOU ARE A GOOD BAR B QUE COOK? YEAH RIGHT, AND I�M SUPERMAN. I�VE WATCHED YOU TORTURE THAT HELPLESS PIECE OF MEAT. YOU SHOULD BE ARRESTED FOR IMPERSONATIN A COOK!
YOU WANT PEOPLE TO THINK YOU ARE THE BEST BAR B QUE COOK IN TEXAS? YOU WANT TO STAND THERE AND ABSORB ALL OF THE COMPLIMENTS THAT ARE THROWN AT YOU AFTER YOUR COMPANY CHOMPS DOWN ON THAT DELICIOUS MEAT YOU SPENT YEARS TO PERFECT AND HOURS TO COOK?
WELL, IF YOU ANSWER YES TO ALL OF THE ABOVE, THEN, AND ONLY THEN, WILL I SHARE WITH YOU THE SECRET OF THE PIT.
THINGS OF IMPORTANT THAT YOU WILL HAVE TO HAVE BEFORE COOKIN�.
1. YOU MUST POSSESS A COCKY ATTITUDE.
2. 4 OR 5 NICE HEAVY HAND TOWLS. YOU KNOW THE ONES,,THE ONES THAT YOUR SPOUSE WILL HIT YOU IF YOU USE.
3. YOU MUST HAVE PLENTY OF ICE COLD BEER ON HAND
4. YOU MUST HAVE 20 OR 30 LARGE LIMES, ROOM TEMP.
5. A BAR B QUE PIT OR GRILL, NOTE� THE BIGGER THE BETTER
6. NOT GAS BUT CHARCOAL,
a. KINGSFORD REGULAR (20 POUNDS) �AND� KINGSFORD MESQUITE (20 POUNDS)
b. KINGSFORD CHARCOAL LIGHTER, LARGE CAN
c. HEAVY DUTY TONGS, SPATULA, AND BASTER BRUSH.
7. SPICES
a. LIQUID SMOKE, 2 BOTTLES MIN.
b. BLACK PEPPER
c. SEA SALT (PLEASE NOTE.. NEVER APPLY SALT TILL JUST BEFORE MEAT IS DONE.. REPEAT.. NEVER!!!!!!!!
d. CHILI POWDER
e. MUSTARD POWDER
f. ONION POWDER, LARGE JAR
g. GARLIC POWDER, LARGE JAR
h. JACK DANIELS SEASONING, LOTS OF IT. NO, NOT THE LIQUOR, HOWERVER IF YOU WANT, IT IS NICE TO HAVE ON HAND FOR UHH.. WHAT EVER THE NEED MAY BE..
i. NO FORKS.. NEVER EVER EVER STICK THE MEAT WITH A FORK OR KNIFE WHAT? ARE YOU CRAZY? WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO DRAIN THE JUICES OUT OF THE MEAT? SO PUT THE FORK BACK.
j. I SAID.. PUT THE FORK BACK!!!
k. A NICE SIZE, EASY TO USE, PAN FOR THE BAR B QUE SAUSE, THIS IS THE PAN THAT WILL ACCOMPANY YOU TO THE PIT AND WILL BE USED TO GENEROUSLY DOUCE THE MEAT WITH SAUSE WITH THAT OVERSIZED BASTER BRUSH OR BASTER MOP.
l. I USUALLY HAVE A COUPLE OF POT HOLDERS HANDY.
m. A SPRAY BOTTLE WITH CLEAN WATER IN IT
n. A REALLY COOL AND AWESOME APRON THAT SAYS SOMETHING LIKE��IF YOU COOK IT, THEY WILL COME.� OR �IF YOU ASK FOR KETCHUP, I�LL HAVE TO KILL YA.� YOU KOW.. ONE OF THOSE COOL APRONS..
o. LOTS AND LOTS OF HEAVY DUTY ALUMINUM FOIL.
p. AND I�M SURE THERE IS SOME OTHER IMPORTANT THINGS I HAVE LEFT OFF, BUT HEY, YOU NEED TO ESTABLISH YOUR OWN IDENITY
NOW WE GET TO START THE FIRE
OBVIOUSLY, THE SIZE OF THE PIT WILL DETERMIN THE AMOUNT OF MEAT YOU CAN COOK. SO YOU MAY HAVE TO USE SEVERAL PITS. MY PIT IS THE SIZE OF A TWIN BED SO THAT IS THE ONLY ONE I NEED. I ALSO HAVE A SMOKER THAT COMES IN HANDY FOR TURKEYS. BUT I AM NOT ALLOWED TO DEVULGE MY SECRETES ON SMOKIN A TURKEY.
FILL THE BOTTOM OF THE GRILL WITH KINGSFORD REGULAR CHARCOAL. THEN, USING KINGSFORD LIGHTER, SQUIRT EACH BRICKET, MAKING SURE EACH BRICKET IS COVERED. NEXT, FINISH FILLING THE BOTTOM OF YOUR GRILL WITH THE KINGSFORD MESQUITE CHARCOAL. AGAIN, APPLY LIBERALLY, SOME MORE KINGSFORD LIGHTER. >>>>IMPORTANT<<<< LET SET 2 TO 3 MINUTES BEFORE LIGHTING. BEST WAY TOO LIGHT, IS TO CALL NEIGHBOR OVER AN GIVE HIM THE LOG LIGHTER AN LET HIM LIGHT THE FIRE. THIS WAY. IF IT BLOWS UP, IT WON�T BE YOU GETTING BLOWN UP.
NOW, ONCE FIRE IS LIT, IT IS TIME TO GO INSIDE AN SURVEY THE MEATS.
SINCE YOU HAVE ALREADY PREPARED YOUR BAR B QUE SAUSE, AND IT IS SIMMERIN ON THE STOVE..(SAUSE RECEIPE WILL BE FORTH COMING)�. YOU WILL NEED TO GET A PAN LARGE ENOUGH TO HAUL ALL OF YOUR MEAT TO THE GRILL WITHOUT DROPIN IT. I STRONGLY SUGGEST THAT YOU COVER THE PAN CARYIN THE MEAT IN WITH HEAVY DUTY ALUMIMUM FOIL. ALL MEAT SHOULD BE AT ROOM TEMP BY NOW. HEY!!!! I TOLD YOU TO PUT THAT FORK DOWN!!!!! DON�T MAKE ME HAVE TO TELL YOU AGAIN!!!!
BRISKET FIRST.
WHEN IT COMES TO BRISKETS, MOST PEOPLE DON�T KNOW JACK ABOUT PICKIN ONE OUT. CHEAP BRISKETS ARE JUST AS GOOD AS THE EXPENSIVE ONES. LARGE ONES, MY PREFFERANCE, IS JUST A TASTY AS A SMALL ONE.
SO, IF SOMEONE HAS THEM ON SALE�GREAT.. IF NOT.. GO TO HEB AND FIND THE BRISET CORRAL. ROUND EM ALL UP AND TOUCH EVERY ONE OF EM. PICK EM UP, LOOK AT WEIGHT, FIND THE ONE THAT YOU THINK IS BEST AND PUT IT BACK. CAUSE, SEE YOU FORGOT ALREADY.. I TOLD YOU THAT YOU DON�T KNOW JACK ABOUT PICKIN EM. NOW� AGAIN.. PICK EMUP. ONE BY ONE.. LOOK AT EM SLOWLY.. TURNIN EM AND KINDA BOUNCIN EM LIKE YOU WOULD A BABY. (PEOPLE WILL START WATCHIN YOU LIKE YOU ARE SOME KIND OF BRISKET GURU� WHICH YOU NOW ARE!!!) OK THE REALLY REALLY FIRM ONES. THE ONES THAT DON�T BEND.. AND ARE VERY VERY HEAVY� AHHH YESSSSSS.. THAT ONE.. THROW IT BACK.. IT IS VERY BAD. SEE.. IF IT IS FIRM. VERY VERY FIRM.. IT MEANS.. IT IS VERY VERY FATTY. FAT GETS VERY HARD WHEN IT IS COLD. THE LESS FAT IN THE BRISKET� THE LIMPER IT IS.. MAKES SENSE HUH? NOW.. IT IS NICE TO GET ONE WITH FAT ON ONE SIDE AND STILL LIMP. WHY? CAUSE YOU COOK IT WITH THE FAT SIDE UP AND THE FAT JUICES WILL SNEAK DOWN TO THE BOTTOM WHILE COOKIN CAUSIN ONE JUICY PIECE OF MEAT WITH LOTS OF GREAT FLAVOR. EVEN IF YOU CAN�T BAR B QUE.. JUST PICKIN OUT THE RIGHT PIECE OF MEAT WILL MAKE IT TASTE BETTER THAN ANYTHING YOU�VE EVER COOKED.
SO NOW YOU HAVE MASTERED THE ART OF BRISKET PICKIN, YOU ARE ARMED AND DANGEROUS. TAKE IT HOME AND SET IT ON THE COUNTER. LET IT GET ROOM TEMP. (MAKES IT EASIER TO WORK WITH) ONCE IT IS ROOM TEMP, I USUALLY WILL PLACE IT IN A OVEN ROASTER PAN, (LIKE YOU PUT A TURKEY IN) AND SEASON IT REAL GOOD AND RUB IN ALL THE SEASONIN AND MASSAGE IT GOOD. YES, WITH YOUR BARE HANDS.. RUB IN ALL THE SEASONIN. BUT.. REMEMBER.. NO SALT! YA GOT THAT.. NO SALT.. NO FORKS.. DON'T MAKE ME HAVE TO COME OVER THERE AN TAKE IT AWAY FROM YOU!!!!!
SOMETIMES I POUR A CUP OF JACK DANIELS ON IT AND A BEER. BATHE IT REAL GOOD. LET IT SET IN THE LIQUID FOR AN HOUR OR SO AND THEN TURN OVER AN REPEAT. THEN AGAIN, LET IT SET FOR AN HOUR ON THAT SIDE. HEY.. REMEMBER.. I TOLD YOU NO SALT!!!!!! ABSOLUTELY NO SALT.. NO GARLIC �SALT� NO ONION �SALT� NO SALT!!!
OK, NOW TAKE OUT THE MEAT AND LAY ON A DOUBLE SHEET OF ALUMINUM FOIL AND RE APPLY MORE SEASONIN. RUB IT ALL IN AGAIN. MASSAGE IT GOOD.. NOW.. IT IS TIME TO PREPARE OTHER MEAT. IF THIS IS THE ONLY THING YOU ARE SERVIN.. MEAT WISE.. THEN OFF TO THE PIT WITH YOU.
FIRST THING THAT YOU WANT TO DO, SEAR THE BRISKET. THAT MEANS.. (INCASE I DIDN�T SPELL IT RIGHT) TO PLACE THE MEAT ON THE FIRE AND BROWN IT ON ALL SIDES. THIS WILL HELP KEEP THE JUICES IN.. REMEMBER THE ROASTIN PAN OF JACK DANIELS AND BEER? OK, NOW YOU WILL ADD SOME LIQUID SMOKE TO THE LIQUID, A BOTTLE OF IT WILL DO, AND ABOUT 5 CUPS OF WATER.. STIR.. THEN PLACE THE PAN ON THE GRILL, OVER THE GLOWIN COALS. NOW TAKE A RACK OF SOME SORT, WHAT EVER YOU CAN FIND, AND PLACE THE MEAT ON THE RACK THAT IS ON THE ROASTER PAN FILLED WITH ALL THAT GOOD LIQUID. PUT LID ON PIT AND GO WATCH THE GAME, DRINK SOME BEER, VISIT, PLAY GAMES.. WHAT EVER.. JUST DON�T MESS WITH IT FOR 30 TO 40 MIN..
THEN GO AN CHECK ON IT.. TURN IT OVER.. HELLO??? I SAID NO FORKS!!!!
USING THE TONGS, TURN THE MEAT OVER AND WHILE DOIN SO�. CHECK THE LIQUID TO MAKE SURE IT ISN�T EVAPORATED.. IF NEED BE, PUT IN MORE LIQUID� CLOSE LID AND GO FIX YOUR BAR B QUE SAUSE. DON�T CHECK AGAIN FOR AN HOUR.
KEEP IN MIND.. IT WILL TAKE FROM 4 TO 8 HOURS, DEPENDIN ON THE SIZE OF THE CUT OF MEAT AND THE TEMP OF THE FIRE. SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO TAKE THE MEAT OFF AND RE DO YOUR FIRE.. BUT NEVER PUT MEAT BACK ON FIRE TILL YOU HAVE NICE GLOWIN COALS AND THE SMELL OF LIGHTER IS GONE.. DO NOT ADD LIGHTER TO HOT COALS.. BAD FLAVOR AND BESIDES.. YOU WILL SINGE YOUR EYEBROWS AND HAIR ON YOUR ARMS. UHHH SO I'BE BEEN TOLD..
AFTER TWO HOURS OR MAYBE 3,DEPENDIN ON THE SIZE AND TEMP, YOU WILL REMOVE THE ROASTER PAN AND PLACE THE BRISKET IN DOUBLY WRAPPED HEAVY DUTY ALUMIMUM FOIL. LEAVE PLENTY OF EXCESS SO YOU CAN FOLD IT OVER AT THE TOP TO SEAL IT TIGHT..
AFTER YOU PUT IT ON THE FOIL.WITH FATTY SIDE UP�..LIGHLY APPLY YOUR FIRST OF MANY LAYERS OF YOUR SPECIAL BEAR SAUSE. (SEE RECEIPE BELOW). THEN RE APPLY. ADD SOME MORE SEASONIN IF YOU WISH.. LIGHTLY� CLOSE IT UP AND PLACE OVER YOUR NICE GLOWIN COALS.
THE ONLY THING YOU WILL NEED TO DO FROM THIS POINT ON IS TO MAKE SURE IT DOESN�T BURN TOO MUCH.. A LITTLE BURNING ON THE VERY OUTER PART GIVES IT THAT BAR B QUE FLAVOR. DO NOT TURN IT OVER IN THE FOIL. INSTEAD.. ABOUT EVERY 30 MIN OR SO, OPEN FOIL AND TURN THE MEAT OVER IN THE FOIL.. THIS WILL ALLOW FOR A MORE MOIST PIECE OF MEAT. HEY.. NO FORK.. COME ON.. TONGS ONLY HERE!!!!
NOW. SEAL IT BACK UP AND CLOSE THE LID. REPEAT THIS FOR HOWEVER MANY HOURS IT TAKES TO GET IT LIKE YOU WANT IT..
WHEN IT IS DONE.. IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN BASTED EVERY TIME IT WAS TURNED AND THEN MABYE A COUPLE OF TIMES THAT YOU DIDN�T TURN IT.. THE SAUSE IS WHAT USUALLY BROWNS AND TURNS CRUSTY AND PEOPLE WILL OOOHHHH AND AHHHHHH OVE R IT. OK. YOU HAVE HEARD THAT �I CAN CUT IT WITH A PLASTIC FORK� RIGHT? WELL THEY REALLY NEVER HAVE COOKED A BRISKET WHERE THEY COULD DO THAT TO. SO JUST HUMOR EM� BUT.. YOU JUST COOKED ONE THAT THEY CAN.
OK. WHEN YOU SLICE IT, ELECTRIC KNIFE OR JUST SHARP KNIFE�. REMEMBER THIS RULE OF THUMB, ACTUALLY.. TWO RULES OF THURMBS..
1 DON�T CUT YOUR THUMB
2 .ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS CUT THE MEAT AT A 45 DEGREE ANGLE. IN OTHER WORDS.. TURN THE BRISKET SO THAT THE GRAIN OF THE MEAT RUNS FROM 7 TO 2. (OK ON A CLOCK.. IF THE BOTTOM OF THE GRAIN OF THE MEAT IS AT 7 AND THE TOP OF THAT GRAIN IN THAT MEAT IS AT 2 O�CLOCK, THEN YOU CUT IT. THINK ABOUT IT.. IF YOU CUT IT WITH THE GRAIN. YOU WILL HAVE A GRAINY STRING OF MEAT. IF YOU CUT IT EXACTLY AT A 90 DEGREE ANGLE.. IT WILL BE TOUGH. NUFF SAID.. OH.. NOW, WHILE CUTTING IT, YOU CAN USE A FORK TO HOLD IT IN PLACE, NOT TO PICK UP, JUST TO HOLD IT WHILE YOU CUT IT.
STACK IT BACK IN THE SAME ALUMIMUM FOIL. THAT YOU COOKED IT IN.. AND CLOSE IT TILL YOU SERVE.. DO NOT PUT IT IN THE FRIDGE BEFORE YOU SERVE AND DO NOT KEEP IT WARM IN OVEN FOR VERY LONG CAUSE IT WILL DRY IT OUT AND ALL THAT WONDERFULL WORK YOU DID WILL BE FOR NUTTIN.. IF YOU LET IT DRY OUT IN THE OVEN.. YOU ONLY HAVE YOURSELF TO BLAME.
SERVE WITH THE REMAININ BEAR SAUSE THAT YOU HAVE NOT USED. (SHOULD STILL BE WARM)..
ALSO, YOU CAN SERVE WITH ALL THOSE THINGS THAT YOUR SPOUSE MADE, BEANS, POTATO SALAD, DILL PICKLES, ONIONS, BREAD, COLD SLAW.. WHAT EVER.. IF YOU WANT TO GET REAL INDUSTRIOUS.. HAVE A LOT OF FRENCH BREAD SLICED.. HAVE A BUCKET OR PAN OF MELTED SALTED BUTTER, AND BASTE THE BREAD WITH THE BUTTER, THEN PLACE ON GRILL.. APPLY MORE BUTTER TO TOP, ONCE BROWN ON BOTTOM, TURN OVER AND TAKE OFF WHEN BROWN AND SERVE.. FOR AN ADDED TREAT.. AND ANOTHER OOOOHER AND AAAAAHHHHHHHHER.. SPRINKLE SOME FRESH GRATED COLBY JACK CHEESE ON THE TOP. WHEN IT MELTS. MAN O MAN IS MY MOUTH WATERIN OR WHAT�..AWESOME EATIN HERE�AND YES.. YOU CAN USE A FORK FOR THIS,, BUT STILL TONGS WORK GREAT.
OK.. FOR SECOND MEAT.. RIBS� IF YOU ARE GONNA COOK RIBS AND BRISKET.. FIRE DIRECTIONS ARE THE SAME AS THE BRISKET FIRE.
HOWEVER.. YOU HAVE TO PRE PREPARE THE RIBS BEFORE YOU COOK.. SO THE DAY BEFORE.. PREFERABLY.. 24 TO 36 HOUR BEFORE, YOU WILL TAKE A BOTTLE OF LOWERY�S SEASON SALT AND POUR ALL OVER THE RIBS. RUB IT IN AND POUR ON SOME MORE.. LET SET IN ALUMIMUM FOIL, SEALED IN FRIDGE FOR 24 HOURS. NO OTHER SPICES�OK?
AND FOR CRYIN OUT LOUD. PUT THAT DANG FORK DOWN.. SHEEEZZZEEEEEE�. NOW TAKE OUT OF FRIDGE AND ALLOW TO BECOME ROOM TEMP. WHEN THE RIBS ARE ROOM TEMP, YOU WILL NEED A CAN OF �LARD�. YES, I SAID LARD. ONCE YOU ARE READY TO COOK THE RIBS.. (PORK RIBS ARE BEST), YOU WILL TAKE THE CAN OF LARD, NOT GREASE, I SAID LARD, AND PLACE IN A PAN, ON THE STOVE. ADD 2 CUPS OF VINEGAR. HEAT, MELT AND COMBINE, CAREFUL, WILL SPLATTER... STIRRIN UNTIL MIXED GOOD.� THIS IS WHAT YOU WILL BASTE THE RIBS WITH.. EVERY 30 TO 45 MIN.. TURNING EACH TIME.. WITH TONGS.. DID YA HEAR ME?? NO FORK!!!!!
WHEN RIBS ACTUALLY PULL APART FROM THE BONE.. THEY ARE READY TO EAT.. USUALLY ABOUT 4 HOURS OR �DEPENDIN ON THE FIRE..
.. WARNING.. WARNING.. WARNING�
THESE WILL BE THE BEST RIBS YOU HAVE EVER EATEN SO BETTER COOK UP A PRETTY GOOD SIZED BATCH OF EM. THERE WILL BE A FEEDIN FRENZIE�.THE BAD PART OF COOKIN THESE RIBS.. PEOPLE WILL HOUND YOU WEEKLY.. ALL SUMMER LONG.. FOR YOU TO COOK EM AGAIN. AND ALL WINTER WILL SAY.. �MAN O MAN.. WISH IT WAS SUMMER SO WE COULD COOK RIBS�� JUST REMEMBER, SLOW COOKIN IS BEST... WHEN YOU BASTE EM WITH THE LARD AND VINEGAR, (USE YOUR BASTIN MOP).. THE FIRE WILL FLARE UP CAUSE OF THE LARD.. TRY TO USE THE NON HYDROGINIZED LARD.. YEP.. THEY NOW HAVE FAKE LARD.. AND IT WILL REALLY CAUSE YOU SOME PROBLEM MELTIN AND MIXIN WITH VINEGAR...
SAUSAGE LINKS..
TOO EASY TO COOK. BUT IF YOU MUST, GET GOOD SAUSAGE LINKS.. LIKE KABALAS (I LIKE THE BEEF OR POLISH ONES.. THEY ARE PRE COOKED AND ALL YOU DO IS COOK FOR COLOR AND TASTE. ) OR ELGIN SAUSAGE, NOT SOME HOT LINKS.. IF YOU WANT HOT LINKS GO TO A BAR AND GET EM OUT OF A JAR!! OH.. WHERE WAS I.. OH YES, SAUSAGE.. JUST TOSS EM ON WHILE YOU ARE COOKIN THE OTHER STUFF.. ON TOP OF EACH OTHER, WHERE EVER.. JUST SO THEY ARE OVER THE COALS. TAKES ABOUT 30 MIN MAX ON MED FIRE. DON�T OVER COOK. GOOD FILLER CAUSE IF YOU RUN OUT OF OTHER MEAT.. �HERE.. TRY SOME OF MY SUASAGE.�
OK NOW FOR THE FRUMPY FOOD.
CHICKEN.
ACTUALLY CALLED �SHOVE IT CHICKEN� AND YOU WILL SEE WHY..
BY FAR.. THE EASIEST THING TO COOK ON A GRILL.. EVEN EASIER THAN HOTDOGS. OK, MAYBE NOT BUT NO ONE WILL DROOL OVER YOUR HOTDOGS�.AND THEY WILL OVER YOUR CHICKEN.
YOU WILL NEED
1. 6 WHOLE CHICKENS.
2. 6 PACK OF CANNED BEER, CHEAP KIND IS OK..I GUESS..
3. JACK DANIELS SEASONING. (IN A JAR, IT IS A POWDER AND WONDERFUL)
4. AND OF COURSE.. A GLOWIN BED OF KINGSFORD CHARCOAL
WASH OFF THE CHICKEN AND SPRINKLE GENEROUSLY, WITH JACK DANIELS SEASONING. OPEN ALL 6 CANS OF BEER. PLACE THE BEER ON YOUR GRILL, (DON�T FORGET TO OPEN EM!!!!) NOW.. PLACE EACH CHICKEN ON THE CAN OF FULL BEER. YEP.. RIGHT UP THE BIG OPENIN IS. YOU KNOW.. THE PART THAT JUMPS OVER THE FENCE LAST.. WELL YES.. THAT BIG OPENIN. SLIDE THE CHICKEN DOWN OVER THE CAN.. DO THIS TO ALL 6 CHICKENS.. AFTER THE CHICKENS ARE BROWNING, YOU CAN BASTE WITH MELTED BUTTER,� NOT MARGARINE!!! IN FACT.. NEVER USE MARGARIN FOR ANYTING. IT IS BAD.. PHOOEY� NASTY� jJUST BEFORE THE CHICKENS ARE DONE, IF YOU WANT, GET OUT THE OL BASTIN MOP AND MOP EM GOOD, EVERY 10 MIN OR SO, WITH BEAR SAUSE. YOU MAY WANT TO TURN UP THE HEAT A LITLE SO THE SAUSE KINDA.. BURNS BUT NOT QUITE.. BUT YOU WANT THAT BLACK STUFF WITH THE SAUSE.. GIVE IT A GREAT TASTE AND WITH THE MOIST MEAT AND THE SAUSE.. YOU WILL BE IN HEAVEN. THEY NOW SELL A LITTLE DEVICE TO COOK THE CHICKEN STANDIN UP.. BUT I'M CHEAP.. LIKE THE WAY I'VE DONE IT AND WILL CONTINUE TO DO IT. PEOPLE WILL BEG YOU TO COOK THIS CHICKEN.. OTHER NAMES FOR IT.. BEER IN THE BUTT CHICKEN.. CAN UP THE BUT CHICKEN AND MY FAVORITE.. WHO CARES IF THE SKY IS FALLING CHICKEN.
NOW. TO TELL WHEN THE CHICKENS ARE DONE, MOVE ONE OF THE LEGS AND SEE IF IT MOVES FREELY.. YOU CAN TELL THE DIFFERENCE.. TRY IT ON ONE THAT ISN�T COOKED YET AND THEN TRY IT ON A COOKED ONE.. THE BONE MOVES IN THE JOINT OF THE COOKED ONE.. WHEN DONE, USE TONGS TO REMOVE FROM CANS..IF YOU SPILL THE BEER.. IT IS OK BECAUSE THE CHICKEN IS THE LAST THING YOU COOK ON THE GRILL� UNLESS YOU ARE DOIN ONIONDROOLS. (ONION DROOLS ARE THE CLEAN PEELED WHOLE ONIONS THAT YOU HAVE CUT ABOUT HALF OF THE CORE OUT AND FILLED WITH BUTTER, PLACED IN ALUMIMUM FOIL AND SEALED.. PLACE OVER THE HOT COALS AND WHEN THEY ARE COMPLETELY COOKED.. ONE OF THE MOST FLAVORABLE VEGGIES YOU WILL EVER EAT. OUCH.. JUST BIT MY TONGUE JUST THINKIN ABOUT IT.
ALSO WANT TO THROW IN SOME INTERESTIN FACTS.
1. THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SOME CHEAP $59 BAR B QUE GRILL FROM THE GROCERY STORE AND A $220 NEW BRANFUELS STEAL BAR B QUE PIT IS SIMPLE AND OH SO OBVIOUS. IF YOU ARE ONLY COOKIN BURGERS AND HOTDOGS AND SAUSAGE, HEY.. YOU CAN POUR CHARCOAL IN A METAL TOY WAGON AND COOK EM. BUT IF YOU SPEND THE EXTRA COINS ON A REAL BAR B QUE PIT, YOU CAN COOK REAL BAR B QUE IN IT. PLUS, IT WILL LAST 5 TO 8 YEAR AS OPPOSED TO 4 MONTHS FOR ONE OF THOSE CHEAP ONES.
2. IF YOU COOK STEAKS ON THE GRILL.. SIRLOIN IS NOT GOOD, ROUND STEAKS ARE NOT GOOD. IF YOU WANT CHEAP MEAT. PLEASE USE �TOP� SIRLOIN. AT LEAST IT WILL OR MAY BE CHEWABLE. BEST CUT FOR GRILLIN IS RIB EYE. JUST REMEMBER THE TWO NO NO�S.. NO SALT AND NO FORK! IF YOU SPREAD BUTTER ON BOTH SIDES OF THE STEAK, SPRINKLE WITH SOME JACK DANIELS SEASONIN AND SEAR ONE SIDE AND THEN APPLY BUTTER AND THE JACK DANIELS SEASONIN AGAIN TO THE TOP, AND THEN NEVER TURN IT MORE THAN FOUR TIMES TOTAL.. YOU WILL HAVE A WONDERFUL PIECE OF MEAT TO EAT.
3. WHEN IS IT DONE.. RARE, MEDIUM, WELL???? OK.. HOLD YOUR LEFT HAND OUT FLAT WITH PALM UP. LOOK AT YOUR THUMB. JUST UNDER YOUR THUMB IS THAT MEATY PART OF YOUR HAND. WITH YOUR RIGHT HAND, AND USING YOUR POINTIE FINGER, POKE THAT BIG PLUMP PIECE OF THUMB MEAT ON YOUR LEFT HAND. SEE HOW SOFT THAT IS?? NOW IF THE MEAT ON THE GRILL IS THAT TEXTURE, IT IS RARE. NOW MOVE DONW THE THUMB MEAT ABOUT A THIRD OF AN INCH.. SEE, THE THUMB MEAT IS A LITTLE FIRMER.. SO THAT WOULD BE???? YES.. YOU ARE RIGHT.. MEDIUM. AND IF YOU WENT ALL THE WAY DOWN, JUST BEFORE THE WRIST.. IT IS VERY FIRM.. WELL DONE THANK YOU VERY MUCH. BUT WHAT EVER YOU DO, I DON�T CARE WHO GAVE IT TO YOU FOR CHRISTMAS OR BIRTHDAY OR YOU JUST SAW IT AND THOUGHT IT WAS THE COOLEST THING IN THE WORLD� DO NOT US THAT STUPID FORK WITH THE GAGE ON IT THAT WILL TELL YOU IT IS MEDIUM OR RARE OR WELL DONE. THE ONLY PEOPLE USING THIS STUPID FORK ARE THE ONES USING THE CHEAP GRILLS AND COOKIN HOTDOGS AND BURGERS. NO FORKS.. NO SALT..
4. YOU WONDER?? WHY NO SALT.. SALT DRIES OUT THE MEAT. WHEN YOU COOK MEAT WITH SALT, IT DRIES IT OUT AND MAKES IT TUFF.. SO IF YOU WANT SALT, ADD IT WHEN THE MEAT IS DONE!!!!
5. DON�T BE TIMID. BE BOLD AND ACT LIKE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOIN. IT DOES MAKE A LOT OF DIFFERENCE IN HOW THE FOOD TASTE. PEOPLE PERCIEVE IT TO BE GOOD CAUSE YOU KNOW IT IS GOOD AN YOU COOKED IT. THEY LIKE IT BEFORE YOU EVEN SERVE IT. THEY HAVE BEEN DROOLIN FOR HOURS.. WAITIN AND WAITIN.
6. YOU ARE WANTING TO KNOW WHY ALL THE LIMES? RIGHT.. I HAVEN�T COOKED WITH EM YET. THE LIMES ARE FOR YOU TO PLAY WITH. CUT IN HALF AN SQUEEZE ON YOUR CHICKEN. ON YOUR SAUSAGE, ON ANYTHING. WILL ADD A FRESH, CRISP, REFRESHING TASTE TO A LOT OF FOODS.. I WILL PUT LIMES ON EVERYTHING ALMOST. IN FACT.. HAVE SOME FROZEN MUGS IN THE FREEZER.. TAKE A PAPER PLATE AND POUR SALT, TABLE SALT ON TO THE PLATE, COVERING THE BOTTOM.. GO AN GET YOUR COLD BEER. CUT UP LIMES. NOW TAKE THE LIMES AN RIM THE FROZEN GLASS WITH IT. DIP THE GLASS RIM INTO THE TABLE SALT. YEP..KINDA LIKE A MARGARETTA.. NOW SQUEEZE THE REST OF THE LIME INTO THE GLASS AND POUR YOUR BEER. YOUR GUEST WILL THINK YOU ARE THE SMARTEST PERSON THAT EVER DREW A BREATH. IT IS AWESOME, REFRESHING AND TASTE SOOOO GOOD. TRY IT.. YOU WILL LIKE IT�
7. NOW YOU WILL HAVE TO CONTROL YOURSELF BECAUSE THERE ARE PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD THAT WILL SEASON THEIR FOOD BEFORE THEY EVEN TASTE IT. HEY.. DON�T LOOK AT ME.. THEY WILL TAKE THOSE WONDERFUL RIBS YOU SPENT HOURS COOKIN, AND POUR A-1 SAUSE ON EM OR HEINZE 57 OR WORSE.. KETCHUP?????? IT WILL BE HARD, BUT YOU WILL HAVE TO IGNORE EM. ME.. I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME WITH IT. I KEEP ALL CONDAMENTS PUT UP� UNTIL THEY ASK FOR THEM AND I WILL USUALLY SAY.. �HMMMMM YOU HAVEN�T EVEN TRIED IT YET AND YOU WANT TO GO AN COVER UP THAT FLAVOR? OH WELL, IF YOU INSIST.� THEY WILL USUALLY TRY IT WITHOUT THE �STUFF� BECAUSE YOU JUST EMBARRASSED EM IN FRONT OF ALL THEIR FRIENDS AND FIND .. HMMM.. THIS IS GOOD� DUHHHH????
8. MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL, OTHER THAN BAR B QUE SAFELY, IS TO HAVE FUN. THAT IS WHAT BAR B Q-N IS ALL ABOUT.. FUN.
WELL, I SURE HOPE THIS HAS HELPED YOU AND ALSO HOPE YOU ENJOY BAR B QUE-N FOR OTHERS AS MUCH AS I DO. IT IS A FUN HOBBY. WHEN YOU GET REALLY GIFTED AND EXPERIENCED.. YOU CAN EXPERIEMENT WITH WOOD CHIPS. APPLE, MESQUITE, MAPLE, HICKERY, AND THE LIST GOES ON.. JUST SOAK THE CHIPS IN AN OLD BUCKET OF WATER FOR 24 HOURS BEFORE USE. ONCE YOUR FIRE IS JUST RIGHT.. PLACE 5 TO 10 PIECES OF THE WET WOOD ON THE COALS. YOU WILL IMMEDIATELY SEE SMOKE AND THEN SMELL IT. THAT SMELL IS WHAT FLAVORS THE MEAT. EXPERIMENT. NEVER USE PLYWOOD OR WOOD LIKE THAT. CAUSE YOU WILL BE EATIN MEAT THAT WILL HAVE BEEN FLAVORED BY BURNT PLASTICS. NOT VERY APATIZIN IS IT?
WELL THIS OL BEAR IS OFF TO SMOKE A TURKEY. THAT IS ANOTHER CHAPTER ALL TOGETHER.
OH.. ALMOST FORGOT.. BAR B QUE SAUSE..
IN A MEDIUM SIZE SAUSE PAN, COMBINE THE INGREDIANTS BELOW AND BRING TO A BOIL. THEN SIMMER FOR 30 MINUTES MINIMUM.. I SIMMER FOR HOURS TO GET ALL THE SEASONINGS BLENDED.
1. ONE LARGE CAN OF V8 JUICE, SPICY OR PLAIN OR WHAT EVER FLAVOR YOU LIKE.
2. ONE LARGE ONION, IN FOOD PROCESSOR
3. ONE BELL PEPPER IN FOOD PROCESSOR, COLOR DOESN�T MATTER
4. TWO WHOLE TOMATOES IN FOOD PROCESSOR
5. SALT TO YOUR TASTE
6. PEPPER TO YOUR TASTE
7. MUSTARD POWDER, USUALLY ABOUT � TEASPOON
(ACTUALLY, I DO PREFER THE YELLOW FRENCHES MUSTARD,, SQUEEZE ABOUT 1/3 CUP OF IT IN THE SUASE.. REALY GOOD STUFF...)
8. CHILI POWDER, � TEASPOON
9. BROWN SUGAR, A BAG OF IT, LIGHT OR DARK. DON�T MATTER
10. ONE BOTTLE OF KARO SYRUP, DARK OR MOLASSES.. I USE MOLASSES� CANE MOLASSES.. IS BEST.
11. SQUEEZE ONE ORANGE, OR SOMETIMES I WILL PUT WHOLE ORANGE IN FOOD PROCESSOR
12. ONE EYE OF A NOOT. OK.. JUST SEEIN IF YOU WERE PAYIN ATTENTION.. NO NOOT IS GOOD NOOT�
13. HALF A CUP OF HONEY
14. TWO STICK OF BUTTER, NOT MARGARIN!!!!
BLEND IT ALL TOGETHER AND POUR INTO THE V8 JUICE IN PAN AND HEAT. ONCE IT HAS ALL BEEN MELTED, BLENDED.. TASTE AND ADD WHAT EVER IT IS THAT YOU WILL MAKE IT.. YOUR BEAR SAUSE.
POUR INTO TWO CONTAINERS.. ONE FOR DIPPIN AND ONE FOR BASTIN. KEEP EM SEPARATE.. DO NOT USE THE BASTIN SAUSE FOR DIPPIN.. CAUSE WHEN YOU KEEP USIN THE BASTER BRUSH, SOME OF THE BLOOD FROM THE MEAT WILL GET MIXED INTO THE BASTIN SAUSE AND .. WELL WE WANT THAT COOKED .. DON�T WE�???
IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO CALL ME.
IF YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW TO SMOKE A TURKEY.. CALL ME.. ALTHOUGH I WILL SAY.. SMOKIN A TURKEY.. IT IS VERY HARD TO KEEP EM LIT� SORRY OLD JOKE�
Pepawbear
alas.. Larry Curcoe
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