� #1
Old 02-26-2012, 03:46 PM
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Talking Life's Laws

* Kauffman's Paradox of the Corporation: The less
important you are to the corporation, the more your
tardiness or absence is noticed.

* The Salary Axiom: The pay raise is just large
enough to increase your taxes and just small enough
to have no effect on your take-home pay.

* Miller's Law of Insurance: Insurance covers
everything except what happens.

* First Law of Living: As soon as you start doing
what you always wanted to be doing, you'll want to be
doing something else.

* Weiner's Law of Libraries: There are no answers,
only cross-references.

* Murphy's First Law for Wives: If you ask your
husband to pick up five items at the store and then
you add one more as an afterthought, he will forget
two of the first five.

* Isaac's Strange Rule of Staleness: Any food that
starts out hard will soften when stale. Any food that
starts out soft will harden when stale.

* The Grocery Bag Law: The candy bar you planned to
eat on the way home from the market is hidden at the
bottom of the grocery bag.

* Lampner's Law of Employment: When leaving work
late, you will go unnoticed. When you leave work
early, you will meet the boss in the parking lot.

* Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

* Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, or screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

* Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

* Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

* Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

* Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

* Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

* Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

* Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

* Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

* The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

* Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

* Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

* Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

* Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

* Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.

* Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

* Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor; by the time you get there you'll feel better. But don't make an appointment, and you'll never feel quite right again.
"We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals." ~Immanual Kant~

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� #2
Old 02-27-2012, 05:03 AM
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Nice one, K2C
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� #3
Old 02-27-2012, 02:15 PM
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Lifes laws, great, and so true
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� #4
Old 08-28-2012, 08:16 PM
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LOL!! OMG! How Awesome & True are these Laws!! The Open faced Jelly Sandwich, I mean "How does it Know to do that!!???"
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� #5
Old 08-30-2012, 07:33 AM
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To change gear here slightly for the automotive enthusiast.

You Know You�re A Gear Head When:

When the first thought that comes to mind when you see an old worn out car. Is it restorable?

Or you can't look at some old car without sizing it up for all the good parts you can scavenge from it.

You have to move engine parts off the dining room table at mealtime to make room to eat.

Walking around in a junkyard is your first though for a fun family outing.

You cannot throw out something without first taking it apart to see �just� what broke, and why. (I can relate to that.)

When your neighbors routinely ask you if you want something before they throw it out.

When your trashcan is both a source of amusement and frustration for the trash man. It's the only one on the street that they always have to use the hoist on, rather than heave it manually like the rest of them. And it makes the most interesting noises being emptied.

When your searching for change at the grocery store and you hand the clerk a few quarters a dime two pennies plus a few nuts, washers, and a cotter pin.

Your family routinely finds grease and oil stains in strange places throughout the house.

You find the plastic bushing on the shower door worn out. So you make new a one from old car parts without even checking the hardware store for replacements.

Your coffee table books are a Summit and JEGS (auto parts) Catalogs

You think it is normal to spend a half hour and buy a $5.00 tool to make a part you can buy for two bucks.

The thought of �calling� a repairman would never occur to you.

You wash your hands �before� going to the bathroom.

You cannot look at some custom car without thinking of some ways to make it better.

When the guys at the junkyard know you by name and save things they think you might want.

The photos you carry in your wallet are of all the cars that you owned.

When your idea of an ideal date is teaching your girl friend how to replace brakes on her car.

When you bring more home from the junkyard dump than you take.

When you can't understand how anybody can manage to keep a car going without a complete shop in the basement.

When the shower stall curtain rod is made from parts of an old luggage rack because you just happened to have it lying around.

When you need to pay bills but strategically look at all their due dates so you can get something from Summit first...

When differential oil is your after shave...

When the spare change dish on your dresser has no money in it, only nuts, small screws, washers, cotter pins, and all the other stuff that ended up in your pockets.

When you pull up one of your socks in the morning --- hear a tear and immediately get excited cuz you know you got another shop rag...

When you've grabbed a piece of chrome trim from the dish rack to make a peanut + jelly sandwich!

When your teenage daughter had to show her boyfriend how to replace the horn relay on his car, and put the tools back in the right drawers in the toolbox.

When you wake up on a cold winter morning and find ice on the windshield and no scraper in the car so you hurry down to the shop and make one so you will not be late for work.
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� #6
Old 08-30-2012, 09:51 AM
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K2C, those are a riot! I laughed at everyone of them
Can really relate to the Law of Gravity as I've totally turned into Ms. Fix It around here with the help of Eric Stromer's YouTube videos.

Just had a funny thought. When I go to Home Depot, all the help goes 'oh no, here she comes' and scatters as they know they're not getting any other work done other than to assist me in finding everything I'm there to buy LOL
The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient while nature cures the disease
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� #7
Old 08-30-2012, 09:52 AM
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Oh my gosh, Mad Scientest's list is hilarious too.
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