So, this blonde and a brunette jump out of an airplane together, who lands first?
Well the brunette of course, the blonde has to stop halfway down and ask for directions!
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So a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are taking a survival course and are told they can each take one item into the desert with them to survive for 40 days...
The redhead says she'll take water, to drink..
The brunette says she'll take watermelon, to eat and drink...
The blonde says she'll take her car door... So she can roll down the window when she gets hot!
A blonde & her husband are lying in bed listening to the
neighbor's dog that's been in the backyard barking for hours.
The blonde jumps up out of bed and says, "I've had enough!"
She goes downstairs.
The blonde finally comes back to bed and her husband says,
"The dog is still barking, what were you doing?"
The blonde says, "I put the dog in our backyard .... let's see how THEY like it!
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Lisa & Judy were doing carpenter work on a Habitat for Humanity House.
Lisa who was nailing down house siding, would reach into her nail
pouch, pull out a nail & either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in.
Judy asked, 'Why are you throwing nails away?'
Lisa explained, 'When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the
head on the wrong end so I throw them away.'
Judy got upset & yelled, 'You moron! Those nails aren't defective! They're for
the other side of the house!'
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A blonde got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents,
so she took it to a repair shop. The owner saw that she was blonde, so he
decided to have some fun. He told her to go home and blow into the
tail pipe really hard, & all the dents would pop out.
So, she went home, got down on her hands & knees & started
blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. So she blew a little
harder, & still nothing happened.
Her blonde roommate asked, 'What are you doing?'
The first blonde told her that the repairman had instructed her to blow into the
tail pipe to get all the dents to pop out.
The roommate rolled her eyes & said, 'Uh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows first.'
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A blonde goes to work one morning crying her eyes out.
Her boss asked sympathetically, 'What's the matter?'
The blonde replies, 'Early this morning I got a phone call saying
my mother had passed away.'
The boss, feeling sorry for her, says, 'Why don't you go home for the
day to relax & rest.?
'Thanks, but I need to keep my mind off it & I have the best chance of doing
that here.'
A couple of hours later the boss decides to check on her. He sees the blonde
crying hysterically. 'What's so bad now, he asks.
'I just received a horrible call from my sister. Her mother died, too!
__________________ "We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals." ~Immanual Kant~
This blonde boarded an airplane with a ticket for coach but she went and sat in the first class section. The stewardess came over and told her she would have to move to coach.
She said "Look, I'm a beautiful blonde, I'm going to New York and I am not going to move. The stewardess got the co-pilot and told him the situation. He goes to the blonde and tells her she has to move to coach.
She said, "Look I'm a beautiful blonde, I'm going to New York and I am not going to move. The co-pilot went and got the pilot and told him about the trouble they were having.
The pilot goes to her and leaned down and whispered in her ear. She immediately jumped up and ran into the coach sitting. The co-pilot said to the pilot,"What in the world did you whisper to her? The pilot said,"I just told her that first class doesn't go to New York."
Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble.
In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.
Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, 'When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.'
The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it.
The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less.
After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.
She walks into the telegraph office, and says, 'I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch.
I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.'
The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, it will cost 99 cents a word.
Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.
After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, 'I want you to send her the word 'comfortable.'
The operator shakes his head. 'How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word 'comfortable?'
The brunette explains, 'My sister's blonde. The word is big.
Several days ago as I left a meeting at a hotel, I frantically gave myself a personal TSA pat down looking for my keys. They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.
Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. The thought of my wife scolding me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition streamed through my mind as I ran for the parking lot.
As I burst through the door, I came to a terrifying conclusion that my wife was right, someone stole the car.
The parking lot was empty.
I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.
Then it took several minutes before I made the most difficult call of all, "Honey," I stammered; "I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen." There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard her voice dryly say, "I dropped you off!"
Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and get me."
She retorted, "I will, as soon as I convince this cop I haven't stolen your car."
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