A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgery.

As she lay the duck on the examination table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, but Cuddles has passed away."

The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead." the vet replied.

"How can you be so sure?" the woman protested. "I mean, you haven't done any tests on him. He might just be in a coma, or something like that."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few moments later with a Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood up on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and slowly sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog and took it out.

He returned a little later with a beautiful Persian Cat. The cat jumped up on the examination table and also sniffed delicately at the bird. The cat then sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed quietly and then jumped off the table and strolled slowly out of the room.

The vet turned to the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said before, this is most definitely, one hundred percent certifiably, a dead duck."

Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill which he handed to the woman.

The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill and looked at it. "$950!", she cried. "$950 just to tell me that my duck is dead?"

The vet shrugged his shoulders. "I'm sorry, madam, but if you'd taken my word for it, the bill would have been just "$20."

"It was the Lab Report and the Cat Scan which made it so much more expensive."

Ouch!