I'm going to be a father soon, and while I know the varying mental conditions of pregnant women, and post birth mental conditions of women are all well documented, I haven't seen anything in relation to us guys who are going to become fathers...

Is it that we just bottle it all in? Or is it that we just don't admit it? is a feeling of being burned out, worried, a normal reaction to this?

I feel awful sometimes when the wife asks me why I don't look excited.. I AM excited, I guess I just have it buried under these other emotions?

Anyone got anything to read on that?

Not a dad, not sure how useful my response will be but what you described reminds me of how I handle an impending "unknown", which is what parenthood is. There is a lot to take in, perhaps you have friends who are fathers (depending on how they like fatherhood this may or may not be helpful..) or there might be a social group for fathers in your area to get together and support each other as they figure it all out? Might be worth looking into...

Very good suggestions, however here that sort of thing doesn't really exist.
All the fathers I know just basically drink their issues away, seems to be how most of them handle it anyway... I really don't want to get in the habit of doing that either...

I'll take a look around and see what I can find. I was looking for maybe an online source that might have information, but alas, Google is frustratingly devoid of answers....

Just did a quick google search (I'm a computer geek..) and this was one of the first results -

https://www.fathersforum.com/index.ph...d=65&Itemid=70

They have a Yahoo forum set up for fathers.

Here's another one that lists global groups and seems like it might have other great resources online for fathers - https://www.diyfather.com/directories...roup-directory

It is really tough to be in a cultural-desert, which is what I refer to as any place where you are limited on face-to-face interactive options outside of work, church, school. Oh, and even stopping by local churches you might find small groups of fathers who meet to support each other. I'm not religious, but often times various churches have great programs which support an outlook of responsibility, honesty, community support, etc.

Thanks for the above, I'll go check them out.

Yeah, well the culture around here seems to stem to "if I drink my problems away sure they come back, but then I just drink again".

Not a really awesome thing. I went to the most obvious source (my own father) and really he doesn't really have any advice either, other than "Yeah, fatherhood is tough". Great... Thanks....

I don't know, it could be that maybe it was, and still is, just something people don't talk about.. I mean, I guess it's kind of selfish, we're supposed to be focused on the new life coming into the world after all, and we're hear b***ing and moaning.

Hi Tick, welcome to the forum! First, I'd like to congratulate you and your wife, and I wish you have a healthy and happy little one to share your lives with.

I don't have any personal experience, but I think that lots of fathers-to-be have anxious feelings about the upcoming birth of their child. Some things to worry about are financial, change of lifestyle and losing some of your freedoms, loss of sleep and extra special care that is needed in the first few months after having the baby, possibility of a less active sexual relationship with their wives, etc. etc.

All of these things are certainly things to consider, and it may be hard at first ironing things out, and making them work for you, but it's definitely doable. I wasn't able to have children, so you should definitely consider it a blessing to be able to bring a life into this world, and love and care for it.

Attitude adjustment...I advise you to take a deep breath and relax, starting tomorrow, begin to think of all the positives, don't feel overwhelmed anymore, go with the flow and look forward to the big event. If your wife wants to know why you're not acting excited, just talk to her, be straight with her. Take her hand and tell her that you are very excited, but it's a big change and you're feeling anxious about it...but not in a bad way. Get close with her emotionally and talk, I'm sure she'll understand where you're coming from.

Hey man, when you hold your newborn angel and look into his/her eyes, you'll calm down and realize everything is natural and then you can relax from that point on, and enjoy your new family. When is the due date? See...I'm getting excited too!

Here's a short article that's worth a read. https://www.dadsadventure.com/becomin...rds-of-wisdom/

__________________
"We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals." ~Immanual Kant~

Thanks for the encouragement

That is a really great article.. Now I just feel bad that I didn't pull those up in search!

The due date is actually sometime NOW in the next 3 to 4 weeks.. I guess that's more why I have these accelerated feelings. You know, wanting things to be ready, being prepared.

Things seem more "Real" now, than in the first few months... That could be a factor as well.

It is true though, I have thought long and hard on the attitude adjustment and you have a point. Every time I feel overwhelmed I take a step back, close my eyes, and remember that I need to keep my s$%t together as I'm going to be responsible for another life.

I guess the biggest concern is me being a good dad you know. Comes with practice I suppose.. I just need to put in a few more prayers that she comes with a mini usb with instructions!

Remember, the baby makes no demands or judgements. You need to mainly take ownership and be proud. Your new little one is vulnerable and helpless. If you just protect, give the care that is needed, and show your love...all is good. Here's some more tips if needed...https://www.webmd.com/parenting/baby/...s-for-new-dads

Men have a funny way of dealing with things outside our control. I remember when I was waiting for my test to see if I had HD and I was "checked out" the entire month. My emotions were glossed over the entire time. Dampened. I was a zombie. So I can relate. Plus, I have 2 kids of my own. I think worrying and stress is a sign you will be a great father, but don't let it eat at you.

It's great to hear you will NOT be resorting to alcohol to fix this

Nope.. Will not be resorting to alcohol.. Been there, done that, have the blank spots in my memories of various times to prove it. The stupid thing is, I still remember the bad crap I was trying to forget, so it would only really work if you preemptively stayed hammered all the time....

Not a choice really.

Yeah, the baby shower was yesterday, sure didn't make me feel better when a 17 year old kid could dress a baby doll blindfolded and I got the socks on only... Oh well...