I seen my doctor last September and he put me on a course of Citalopram anti depressants to stabilise my mood. After seeing him every month he said that he thought I had borderline personality disorder. I have recently come off the tablets and everything was fine when I was taking them apart from me feeling numb, and not wanting to do anything, feeling really tired and lazy. Feel so much better without them, but keep getting negative feelings about my relationship with the man who I love more than I have ever loved anyone in my life. Last week I told him that I didnt want to live with him anymore and that getting back with him in September (the last time we split after splitting up about 3 times in a matter of months) was a mistake. He is untidy (doesnt bother me when I am having a good day or week) and when having a bad day or week it drives me crazy. We are now in the process of splitting up and last weekend and the start of this week that was what I wanted. Now I am absolutely devastated, to the point of starting to feel suicidal last night. I cant believe that we are going to split up, but I have been such a horrible person that I cant blame him for having enough of me even though its me that wanted to finish it. I just want to hold onto him and never let go and just feel like crying constantly. I know that once he moves out tomorrow that will be it and dont think i can live without him at the moment.......what to do

Hi Honey1962, welcome to the forum! First let me say that I am in no way an experienced mental health advisor, just someone who cares. If you are really contemplating suicide at this time, you need to get counseling from someone there by you, right away.

Have you tried any natural supplements for mood support? There are things like St. John's Wort, 5-HTP, SamE, and plain old Omega 3 fish oil that may help.

About your relationship with your boyfriend, maybe it's a good idea to live separately for awhile. Being alone is not always a bad thing, it might help to clear your mind and think of things from a different perspective, look at the whole picture. Think of the separation in a good way, don't obsess about cutting it short.

Take some "me" time, and be kind to yourself, do something that makes you feel good, it can be simple, but it has to be positive. You have to love yourself first. Don't beat yourself up over anything that has happened in the past, that's gone. Look at today as a new beginning, make changes for the better from this point on, it's NEVER too late.

Your boyfriend not being tidy is a very insignificant thing. You should evaluate the importance of things like that, and teach yourself to be ok with it, you can leave his stuff lie there, it's not hurting anyone, or if it really bothers you that much, then you have to pick it up.

I think the biggest mistake couples make is trying to change each other. Sometimes people will make the changes on their own, for their own reasons. I think living apart for awhile will benefit both of you. You can still stay in touch or get together, but give each other some breathing space for now. If things are meant to be, they will fall into place naturally.

Hang in there, be positive, open your mind to other interests, and happiness can be around the corner for you. Take good care of yourself!

__________________
"We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals." ~Immanual Kant~

I've wondered for a while about whether or not I have it. I always felt like I did. I'm unsure. From your description, it definitely sounds like you do.

Be active! If you live in portland, I can help! If you don't, you will need more of your own initiative. Try Dancing! Its really helped me get through some of my rickamaroll and is just generally all around good for you. Stay active!

Lack of adequate magnesium can cause mental problems, and so can low grade inflammation. There are many supplements that address inflammation and they are cheap and easy to get. Magnesium is important for every body function anyway, so give it a try and see if your mental process stabilizes.

You need to get a grip on your own health, before jumping into a relationship, or you will be revisiting this problem in the future. It is not impossible to do, but you will have to use some trial and error.

I fought depression for over thirty years. I learned to cope with it, but I accidentally found out that it was low grade bodily inflammation that caused it. I do not have the problem anymore, but I did stick it out for many years to find the cause. You have to stick it out also. Things can work out, but you do need to give yourself some time to figure it out.

Good Luck

Dan