Thank you so much mommysunshine. Your kindness is just what I needed.
I don't enjoy going to the dark place - but he does frighten me. His actions lately have become more
bizarre. I am taking power and control away from him and he will do ANYTHING to maintain. It is as if there was never any warm fuzzy feelings between the two of us. As if the relationship was pre-arranged and I am backing out of the contract. Just business. eeek. It is overwhelming at times to stay one step ahead of him and his need to be right. But he always is. And it's always MY fault if there is a mis-step.
When my daughter, who is very intuitive, picks up on the ramped up strangeness of his, I listen to her. Watch. Protect. Plan...as best as I can. She even suggested he might go for a temporary insane plea if he pulls something. So distressed. So depressed. Not working. Heart probs. He.just.snapped and then can't recall.
We are in a very contested divorce, with him believing I owe HIM money because HE IS THE GREATEST THERE EVER WAS and there should be NO dividing of ANY "funds." He HOARDS. T-shirts, prayer cards from funerals, free promo junk, old crap he pulls out of the trash, homes, people, MONEY. He stopped paying on bills last year since interest was down in an account *to make up for it. While he was laid off
. God, that was a difficult time.
I sent resume after resume, filled out many applications to find work. Became a food service worker at a banquet hall and went home with HIVES each time. The manager then said getting hives at work is not good. He couldn't have me there.
I panicked over the bills, then daughter tries to step in to help manage. She is on a temporary (intern) salary. The poor kid could barely keep gas in her car and she is willing to pay bills. WHILE HE IS SAVING THOUSAND$. Many of them. Just investments, not IRA's, Roth accounts, and those things you CANNOT touch, etc. To say I was gobsmocked when learning the BALANCES of those accounts - is an understatement. My car is over 10 years old and I feel guilty with every 12 dollar shoe purchase I make. I am growing my own veggies to make ends meet.
And I want to take his money away??? He has probably named each and every cent, too. Little pet names. They are his
babies. Not mine. I don't deserve them. Whatever I think I may have contributed to the relationship, making sure he was healthy, the home, the budget -- whatever, I am just kidding myself. I didn't actually EARN the money. So, what makes me think a lawyer/judge/court is going to be able to take it from HIM and give to ME? The parasite? (I read the email I sent to my lawyer informing I will sign anything NOW. Don't want a penny. Just want out. Attorney called and told me "no." Told the husband to go after HIM, not me. For I never asked for anything *I didn't know we really had anything)
Bobsy -my lawyer - called last night and we are getting together to remove half of a tax check to pay the bills. (Husbands half of a big tax check that was placed in a trust at my lawyer.) And support that is in arrears. Still looking for work. Away from food service, tho. I really need some type of training? School? Something!! But that too, takes money.
I cleaned out the water filters, dumped the water and now have them where he cant get to them. Dogs are still drinking tap and they actually played with toys yesterday! First time in a long time. So, maybe it was just a bad tank of Lake Michigan? Or it was him
. The part that bothers me most is that it would NOT surprise me. There is an ex-police officer famous in chicagoland for having TWO exwives just up and die or become missing. One ex, he was found guilty of killing. The other, they just cannot locate. All over division of retirement and investments of HIS. My husband once claimed that it was sad for the excop to feel he had to do something so extreme - TWICE! what the ____?
Thanks again mommysunshine. Sunshine is so important!!
Makes everything better.